Fighting Perfectionism, Finding inspiration
Hi. I am here. Finally making this first post.
I found I was getting stuck in that perfectionist rut. Here is how that thinking played out after I created this substack two weeks ago:
I have so many ideas to write about but now feel overwhelmed with where to start.
Okay, I listed them out and have a plan to post at least once a week.
Will people even want to read what some rando in SEK has to say about life?
But when do I write: in the morning? After school? On the weekends?
I wish I had someplace to get inspired in this area—even just a vibey coffeehouse. Ugh.
I miss home.
Take your own advice: do what you can with what you have.
Why do my ideas and words seem to flow as I lie in bed falling asleep?
Do I take Rick Rubin’s advice and get up when the creative moment presents itself?
But I also know how important sleep is and have other goals that need that sleep.
Fuck this.
Maybe I should start having a few drinks at night to get in my feels.
No, my alcohol-induced blog posts decades ago did not go well.
Maybe I should start taking Adderall.
Shut up and just do it.
…so here I am.
I woke up today thinking of my friend and former personal trainer, Scott Smith. He showed up in my dream last night and in the interaction hugged me and said something along the lines of, “I can tell you have been working at it. I am proud of you.”
So what? Right? How does this tie into making a post that opens with the ruts of perfectionism?
Scott lost his courageous battle with ALS in the fall of 2022 and I don’t have the words right now to fully explain the impact he not only had on my life but countless others. Scott was 41 and his legacy lives on through his incredible wife and two beautiful girls. You can still read about his journey, his fight to find a cure, his love for his family & friends, and his drive to change the world at www.flexonals.com.
He was a talented and compelling writer. We often talked about wanting to write more while we trained. I clearly remember him telling me that I needed to just put it out there. I can worry about the perfection of it later. Just do it, Carnes–he would say. His journey back to writing came through inspiring others while fighting for his life through countless posts. Even during that time, he told me, “Carnes, I can’t wait to read some of your writing.” And I never wrote. He fought for his life and I sat in the corner.
Fast forward, probably, five years from one of those first conversations about a shared passion for writing, and I am finally doing it.
I did write a few posts right after his diagnosis–the disbelief, the unfairness, the sadness– but never posted. Never shared them with him. I thought it might make it worse for him, but looking back, I wish I had.
I don’t want to keep saying “I wish…”
I don’t want to “wish” I just put it out there in another five years.
I don’t want to stay in the corner.
There is no plan right now. I don’t know the exact content I want to write about. The big picture is not formed. The end goal doesn’t matter because…
…I am just putting it out there. Just doing it like my friend told me to do long ago.
Thank you, Scott Smith, for putting your belief in me. In all those you knew and loved. In the world. We keep going but know your legacy is always burning bright, my friend.
